Apparently, the Formula 1 season has started again. Fortunately, I’m not home at the moment, so I don’t have to hear JJ whittering on about it all the time. Unfortunately, I will be home in a fortnight (woohoo!), just in time for the next Grand Prix.
Anyway, I’m told that a certain Canadian chap didn’t do too well today (started in 4th, finished in 13th).
Formula 1 just isn’t the same since Murray Walker stopped commentating. So for a bit of nostalgia, I thought I would reproduce some classic Walker-isms…
1. “There’s nothing wrong with the car except it’s on fire”
“With half the race gone there is still half the race to go”
“I imagine the conditions in those cars are totally unimaginable”
“Tambay’s hopes, which were previously nil, are now absolutely zero”
“Either that car is stationary or it’s on the move”
“There’s no doubt in my mind that if the race had lasted for 46 laps instead of 45 it would have been McLaren first and second but it didn’t so it wasnt”
“You can’t see the digital clock on your monitors because there isn’t one”
“It’s raining and the tracks wet”
“We’re on the 73rd lap and the next one will be the 74th”
“This is an interesting circuit because it has inclines and not just up, but down as well”
Murray: “And there are flames coming out of the back of Prost’s car as it enters the Swimming Pool”
Co-Commentator: “Well, that should put them out then!” JJ’ll get the joke – the Swimming Pool is a corner on the Monaco GP track“The gap between the 2 cars is 0.9 seconds – that’s less than a second!”
“He’s in front of everyone in this race except the two in front of him”
“Into lap 53, the penultimate last lap but one”
“He’s obviously gone in for a wheel change. I say obviously because I cant see it”
“Do my eyes deceive me or is Senna’s car sounding a bit rough?”
“I cant imagine what kind of problem Senna has. I imagine it must be some sort of grip problem”
“What a fabulous race! Barry Sheene’s riding his Suzuki as though he’s married to it”
“Only ten of the drivers who strated this race are left. I make no apologies for thier absence, I’m sorry they’re not here.”
“Prost can see Mansell in his earphones”
“I’ve just stopped my start watch”
“And we’ve had five races this year so far- Brazil, Argentina, Imola, Schumacher and Monaco”
“And the first 5 places are filled by 5 different cars!”
“As you look at the first 4 the significant thing is that Alboreto is fifth”
“Here’s Giacomelli, driving like the veteran he is not”
“The battle is well and truly on if it wasn’t on before, and it certainly was”
“Two laps to go and the action will begin. Unless this is the action, which it is”
“And its MANSELL, MANSELL, MANSELL, NIGEL MANSELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” (it wasn’t Nigel Mansell at all – it was his team mate)
“Piet Dam wins as he looks through a completely clear wind-screen which is, of course, the advantage of being in front” ( as he said that, the guy drove straight into a grass bank… and crashed out)
“Here comes the gallant little frenchman Alain Prost, almost home for his 6th Grand Prix win – nothing can stop him now!” ( As Murray said that, Prost hit a wet patch, spun into the barrier, lost a wheel and retired )
“It’s a sad ending, albeit a happy one, here at Montreal for today’s Grand Prix”
“The young Ralf Schumacher has been upstaged by the teenager Jenson Button who is 20″
“Andrea de Cesaris, the man who has won more Grand Prix than anyone else without actually winning one”
“GO! GO! GO!”
“SPIN! SPIN! SPIN!”
“FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!”
“The atmosphere is so tense you could cut it with a cricket stump”
“There’s only a second between them. ONE. That’s how long a second is!”
“And now excuse me while I interrupt myself!”
“And I’ve got to stop now, because I’ve got a lump in my throat” (when Damon Hill won the World Championship in 1996)