Possibly the funniest newspaper in the world (with the possible exception of the Grauniad), the Onion reports that the US “inspires world with attempt at democratic election“:
Observers from around the world report that they were inspired and moved by America’s most recent attempt to hold a public election in accordance with the standards of a democratic republic. “After all of the recriminations, infighting, and general madness before the election, the people of this fractured nation still found the courage to show up at the polls,” said Anas Salman, an Afghan U.N. official who was in New York during the American electoral experiment. “More than half of America’s citizens—a large portion of them women—made a valiant attempt to choose their own leader, even though there was no guarantee their votes would be counted. It was truly inspirational.” In the weeks leading up to the election, both of America’s political parties alleged fraud in voter registration. Additionally, experts debated the reliability of electronic voting machines, which experienced problems in trial runs and leave no paper trail. Election officials also bemoaned many states’ use of outdated punchcard machines. Considering such disputes, Salman said he was “touched and gladdened” that voter turnout for the U.S. election nearly approached voter-turnout rates for Afghanistan’s first popular elections in October, when 69 percent of citizens cast ballots. “True, voter turnout in many parts of the world tops 90 percent,” Salman said. “But it’s understandable that the rate is lower in countries such as Afghanistan, where the government has raised fears of possible terrorist attacks at the polls. Our people showed great courage.” The last American presidential election, held in 2000, was also rife with problems. Myriad scandals arose concerning alleged fraud and ballot tampering. Although the Democratic candidate won the popular vote by a margin of half a million votes, the Republican candidate won the presidency with a strenuously disputed 537-vote lead in Florida, a state governed by his brother.